


Willing to Burn

by still_lycoris



Category: X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) - Fandom
Genre: Age Difference, Anxiety, Established Relationship, F/M, Multi, Telepathy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: Scott knows that he ought to be totally happy but he can't help feeling that something isn't right.





	Willing to Burn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [annejumps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annejumps/gifts).
  * Inspired by [played with fire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8752720) by [annejumps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annejumps/pseuds/annejumps). 



Scott couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong in his life.

It felt stupid to think it. Everything was _fine_. His life was better than it had been since ... well, than it had ever been really, except maybe when he was a child with his parents but he didn’t remember that very well now. He had a good place to live, he had friends, he had a purpose ... and he had Jean. Jean, who was so incredibly special, so different from anyone he’d ever met. He had so much that was special ...

And yet something was wrong. Something was wrong with it all that hadn’t been wrong before and he had a feeling that it was something about Professor Xavier.

Alex had promised him that he could trust Professor Xavier and Scott hadn’t really believed him until he’d arrived and the Professor had been there. He’d been kind but he hadn’t babied Scott or treated him as though he was made of glass. It had been a relief – Scott was sick of people treating him like that. It had happened so often, so many times even before his powers had crashed out of him. People pretended they didn’t know about his childhood, about the orphanage and about Winters but they did and they treated him like he was weak because of it, even Alex sometimes. To have someone behave as though he was actually fine, as though he just needed to control his new skill and then he would all be okay, it was ... refreshing.

Even when Alex had died, the Professor had continued to treat him with trust and affection. He’d talked to Scott when Scott was lonely, seemed to enjoy reminiscing about Alex with him. They weren’t friends, obviously, the Professor was his teacher and Scott respected that, he respected the Professor absolutely. There had never been anybody like him before in Scott’s life and Scott ... well, loved him.

He didn’t like to think about that too much. 

Only now ... now it seemed different somehow. Now, the Professor seemed colder with him. Not _mean_ exactly but .. well. _Different._ He didn’t seem to want to look at Scott any more or be alone with him or even really talk to him. He was polite when he was watching the training, gave Scott advice but there was never anything. Scott could only suppose that he had to have done something.

And really, the only thing that it could be was the fact that he was having sex with Jean.

Scott had never thought that Jean would really want to date him – why would she? He was all right but he wasn’t _special_ , not in a school full of mutants. He wasn’t bad looking but Jean was stunning. She could have had anyone and deserved them too. But she’d chosen _him_ and although Scott had pretended that he was cool about it, he knew that she had to have realised how excited he was that they were now together. 

The Professor had to know that too. He was a mind-reader, he knew pretty much everything that anybody was thinking. Scott had worried about that a little, right from the start. But Jean had told him not to be silly.

“It isn’t his business, Scott. We’re both adults, we can do what we want. The Professor understands that. He won’t be angry with you. Don’t worry about it.”

At first, she had seemed to be right. Now, Scott was beginning to think that she had been wrong. He was sure that the Professor’s strange withdrawal had come after he and Jean had begun to have sex.

And he didn’t really know what to do about it.

He loved Jean. Obviously. He loved her even when they weren’t having amazing sex – and they really were having amazing sex. Scott’s first time had been okay but nothing special but his first time with Jean had been _incredible_. Almost too incredible really. They’d done all sorts of wonderful things since but somehow, the intensity of that first time had never been bettered, not in Scott’s mind. He had felt so connected to her somehow, in some way that he’d never quite felt since.

But he loved the Professor too. He loved him more than he really liked to think about. He didn’t want the Professor not to love him.

But maybe it just wasn’t possible to have both Jean and the Professor’s love at the same time.

In the end, he tried to do what he always did. He tried to push it all away and ignore it. It was something he’d always been very good at – putting away the things that made him worried or sad or scared. Obviously, sometimes you had to face them head on and that was good but if you _couldn’t_ , it was better to just tidy it away and not think about it at all. To leave it in that back corner of the mind and behave like it had never been there to begin with. He’d always been good at doing that. The Professor had told him he was rather _too_ good at doing it, that sometimes it was better to feel things ...

Maybe he would disagree if he knew what Scott was currently trying not to feel.

And perhaps it would have all stayed there if he hadn’t ended up talking to Hank. 

Scott really liked Hank. He supposed it was partly because Hank had helped him find a way to see when he’d begun to fear that he’d never be able to open his eyes again and partly because they had saved each other’s lives in the fight with Apocalypse but somehow, it was more than that. There was just something about Hank that Scott liked and Hank seemed to reciprocate. When they were in public, Scott tried to remember that Hank was his teacher but when alone, they were friendly and Scott often went to try and stop Hank overworking himself when he’d locked himself up in his lab.

That particular evening, Scott hadn’t exactly meant to go to Hank but he’d been feeling restless and seen the light on in the lab and so he’d gone inside.

“Doing anything actually important, Hank?”

“Always,” Hank said, not looking up from the microscope that he was studying. “Rude boy. What brings you in here?”

“Nothing much,” Scott said, not totally truthfully. He stood for a moment, watching Hank work. Some of the younger children had been scared of the blue furry appearance of their teacher when he’d returned but Scott had always found it oddly comforting. He liked the look of the fluffy blue fur and the obvious strength it concealed. It was soothing in a way that he couldn’t really explain. Hank was soothing really. He always seemed to understand when you tried to tell him something ...

“Um ... Doctor McCoy ...?”

Hank looked up at once, frowning slightly, fur rippling.

“Doctor McCoy? That sounds serious. Are you all right?”

“Yes,” Scott said and then suddenly, words were spilling out of him. “I was just wondering, I mean, you’re really close to the Professor and I just, I wondered, do you know why he’s upset with me? Is there anything that I can do to make it right? I know that he doesn’t like me dating Jean, that’s it isn’t it? I mean, I understand, I’m sure it’s nothing, I’m sure it’s .. ”

He clamped his lips together, realising he was babbling like an idiot. Hank was staring at him and to Scott’s surprise, he was looking almost _angry_ , his fur all ruffled up, eyes glinting. Scott had to stop himself from stooping slightly. He didn’t need to do that anymore. Even when people were angry with him, he was a mutant, a member of the X-Men. He could fight back if he had to.

Besides, Hank was a good person. He’d never do anything to hurt Scott.

“I’m sorry,” Hank said, his voice rough. “It’s not you Scott, I’m not cross with you, it’s just ... oh _hell_.”

He sounded unhappy now. He gestured at a seat close to him so Scott went over and sat in it. Hank looked at him, then stood up and began to pace a little.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. “I _told_ Charles ... I _told_ him and so now I’m going to tell you because it’s not fair on you. It’s just not. Charles isn’t angry with you, you haven’t done anything wrong but ... but he’s jealous. He’s jealous because he ... was sleeping with Jean before she was sleeping with you.”

Scott stared at him, hearing the words but not quite understanding. Hank looked back, his gaze serious, honest. He’d never lie about something like that. In fact, Scott was pretty sure that Hank would never lie to him at all. So it had to be true then, didn’t it?

Jean had told him that he wasn’t her first and he’d guessed it had to be someone good because, well, she was so good at it all. No wonder if she’d been with the Professor. He had to be good at it, he was good at everything and Jean would have learned because she was Jean and ... well. Yes. It all made sense really.

“He’s a bloody idiot,” Hank said, a growl in his voice. “I told him that it wouldn’t be possible to do it without feelings getting involved but _no_ , he knows best, he knows he’ll be fine, even when he’s not going to be fine because he’s doing something stupid. He said that they just had so much in common, that there wasn’t anybody else that quite understood what it was like to be a telepath and he’s right, I do understand that, I never minded that but I _knew_ it would end up happening this way!”

Scott listened to all of this but it felt like it was happening rather far away. He kept thinking about the Professor and Jean together. It was probably a bit wrong to picture it but he couldn’t help it. The Professor was a good looking man, he knew that. Jean was beautiful. They probably looked lovely together, the Professor leaning up to kiss her, covered with her long red hair ...

“Scott? Are you okay?”

“Yes,” he said because it was the answer he knew Hank wanted to hear and then “How did you know? Did he tell you?”

“Not as such. But I’ve known Charles for over twenty years and I always know what he’s doing,” Hank said bluntly. “I try not to pry but ... there’s not much he does that I’m not aware of. He knows that I won’t usually tell but this is different because he’s an idiot.”

“But won’t he be angry?”

“Probably,” Hank said, not sounding too worried about it. “I suspect that we’ll have a fight and words will be said about me being a meddler and him not needing a parent and if I’m feeling crabby, which I am, I might remind him of a few times when he _has_ rather needed a parent and then it will likely degenerate into some childish name calling from both of us before we go to our respective rooms and swear that this is the end of our relationship forever. Then we’ll be really polite to each other for a few days and then it’ll turn into real politeness and then we’ll both just start talking to each other again like it didn’t happen. I might even get an apology if Charles realises that I’m right, it’s been known to happen. You shouldn’t let that bother you. Charles and I ... it always works out. We’re like that.”

Scott nodded, glad about that. He wouldn’t have wanted it to be his fault that the Professor and Hank weren’t friends any more. He was glad that they would be okay.

He wished he was so sure that _he_ would be. He just felt so confused by it all. At least it made sense of everything but what was he supposed to do? He knew that he couldn’t keep it from Jean that he knew – that would be impossible. No matter how hard he might try to push this back, it would be there, bubbling out of the box that he always put things he didn’t want her to look at inside. Besides, it wouldn’t seem _right_ to keep it from her now he knew. He’d have to talk to her about it.

Hank put a heavy paw on his shoulder and squeezed gently.

“Did I do the right thing?” he asked, sounding sad now. “Is it better to know?”

“Yeah,” Scott said. “Yeah, Hank you ... you’re a good friend, you know.”

Hank smiled, showing off his fangs. Some people found it frightening when he did that but Scott never did. He wriggled forward so he and Hank could hug, enjoying the brush of fur on his face. Hank was another person that made him feel safe.

“Thank you,” he said and Hank shrugged his shoulders, as though it wasn’t that important.

They talked about other things then, the usual things that they talked about, as though Hank hadn’t just revealed something important and Scott hadn’t just had his world rocked. Scott was even able to put it at the back of his head, not think about it. 

Eventually, though, the conversation ended and Scott knew he had to leave. Hank gave him a hug before he went, his fur warm and soft.

“You’ll be all right,” he said. “I believe in you, Scott.”

Scott went straight to Jean, as he’d rather known that he would. She opened the door to him in her dressing gown and Scott wondered how anybody could look beautiful in a fluffy dressing gown. It seemed like it should be impossible and yet somehow, Jean always managed it. He loved to look at her but it was more than that, it always had been. He loved to be around her. He loved to speak to her, to listen to her talk. She was one of the most wonderful people that he’d ever met.

“Oh,” Jean said and he knew she’d read what Hank had just told him. 

“I don’t mind,” he said quickly, wanting to say the words, not just have her read them in the mess of his head. “I promise Jean, I really don’t. I’m sorry I had to find out, I know you didn’t really want me to but I understand, I do and it’s all right, it really is, I won’t say anything and I get it, of course I do, I mean, of course you’d want to because why _wouldn’t_ you, he’s wonderful even if you’re _not_ a telepath and of course he’d be sad after because you’re you and ... and it’s okay. I promise. I won’t ever mention it again. I think Hank was just worried about me otherwise he’d never have told. But you shouldn’t worry.”

Jean was still staring at him. Scott wondered if he’d said too much and clamped his mouth shut, practising smoothing his mind out into blankness, not thinking so loudly. Jean was looking upset. She gestured for him to come into the room, so he did, feeling the door close behind him.

“I didn’t want you to know,” Jean said, her voice low.

“I know. Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry, I just wanted to know why the Professor didn’t like me any more.”

It sounded a bit childish when he said it out-loud like that. Jean raised an eyebrow and he wondered if she thought it was childish too. He made himself not look away from her and shrugged his shoulders slightly, acknowledging that maybe he was a bit childish but that it was still the truth.

“It really matters what he thinks of you, doesn’t it?” Jean said.

“Yes,” Scott said. “It ... matters a lot. He’s ... well, you know. Special.”

“And you really don’t mind?” Jean asked, sounding almost confused.

“Why would I?” Scott said. “It was before you and I ... and anyway, like I said, I do understand. It’s the Professor after all.”

Jean looked at him and it felt like there was something strange about the look. Scott wondered if she was dipping into his mind. He tried to feel all his feelings, projecting his understanding and comfort carefully, not wanting to be too loud or seem like he was masking anything but hoping that she would pick up on the truth of it all.

“Please don’t worry,” he said. “I promise it’s all fine.”

Jean stepped up to him then and put her arms around his neck. Scott hugged her back, wondering if he ought to say anything else or if they should just forget it all now. He’d said a lot. He should let Jean decide what she wanted to do after all this. It was only fair after you’d discovered someone’s secret.

They didn’t have sex that night, which he wasn’t surprised about. He didn’t really feel like it himself and he supposed Jean didn’t either. He kept worrying that she was upset that he knew. She hadn’t wanted him to know. It wasn’t fair that he did. Maybe he’d worried too much.

The next day at breakfast, there was nothing obviously wrong. Scott couldn’t help noticing that the Professor and Hank were being _incredibly_ polite to each other, far more so than usual. Hank’s prediction about their fight had obviously come true. Scott was pretty sure that he’d be right about the rest of it too. Hank did know things after all.

He was about to leave the table when the Professor spoke.

“Scott. I’d like to talk to you. Can you come to my study please?”

Scott felt his stomach squeeze a little. He nodded and followed, trying not to look like he was worried. The Professor would know he was, of course, but that wasn’t the point. He didn’t want anybody else to know that he might be in any sort of trouble because then they would ask questions and that would be ... difficult.

He closed the door behind him in the study and then put his hands behind his back, keeping his shoulders straight and waiting for the Professor to speak. 

“Hank had no right to tell you what he did,” the Professor said without preamble.

“I know,” Scott agreed humbly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean to ask him but I ... it just happened. I’m sorry. I won’t tell anybody.”

The Professor stared at him with his keen eyes. Scott wasn’t sure if he should stare back or dip his eyes. If it had been anybody else, he would have dipped but the Professor didn’t like that very much. 

“I thought you’d be a lot more ... upset,” the Professor said suddenly.

“Why?” Scott asked.

“Because I’m older than her and was her teacher before this? Because most people would be?”

“Well, I’m not upset,” Scott said firmly, glad they were on firm ground here. “I don’t mind Professor. So ... so can we ... you don’t have to be upset with me any more ...?”

The Professor looked away from him. Scott wasn’t entirely sure but he had a feeling that the expression on his face was guilt. Which was ridiculous really because what did the Professor have to feel guilty about? Everything made sense now.

“You’re full of surprises, Scott,” the Professor said quietly. “Go on. Go to training. I’m not upset with you any more.”

Scott went, not quite sure that everything had been sorted but he left anyway, hoping that it had. The Professor had _said_ he wasn’t bothered ... so now it was up to Scott to show that he really was okay with everything.

He threw himself into that absolutely. He made sure to behave just as he’d always behaved, getting on with training, talking to the others, doing all the things that he always did. It was mostly true too, although he did find that he kept thinking about it at odd moments. Not in a bad way – in fact, the more he thought about it, the more he found the thoughts almost pleasant, which was probably wrong of him but he couldn’t seem to help it. It wasn’t a bad image, Jean and the Professor. It was kind of nice.

He hid it away whenever he was with either of them and neither of them mentioned it. Perhaps they weren’t seeing it. Or perhaps they were just being polite. You couldn’t know with telepaths. He saw them talking to each other sometimes, something he would never have questioned before and now he wondered about it a little. Not in a bad way. He just wondered.

He had just finished brushing his teeth when the door opened and Jean walked into the room. She was wearing that fluffy dressing gown again and this time he just _knew_ there was nothing underneath and it made him hard just to think about it. She smiled at him and Scott stepped forward to kiss her.

_Scott?_

The Professor’s voice made him jerk backwards and Jean laughed, obviously knowing exactly what he could hear. She stepped closer again and kissed him, arms around his neck and Scott knew the Professor was still in his mind as she did.

 _Jean thought you might not mind_. His voice was very soft, very gentle. _I’ll leave if you do. I’m sorry_.

Scott didn’t say yes. He didn’t have to. He kissed Jean back, knowing that the professor could feel his excitement, his eagerness. Knowing that they both knew just what he wanted and that they were going to give it to him.

The Professor – _Charles,_ the voice in his head coaxed, he could call him Charles right now – guided his hands, murmuring instructions about how Jean liked to be touched. She was in his mind too and Scott could feel her mental self twining with Charles’s, knew they were feeling things that wasn’t, that could never understand. He wondered if he ought to be jealous but he couldn’t be because it was too wonderful for that. The people he loved best of all were all around him, within him, inside him and how could he ever be unhappy about any aspect of that?

“I love you,” he said and he wasn’t quite sure which of them he was addressing and nor was he entirely sure which of the tangled minds responded with “I love you too.”

And as far as Scott was concerned, it really didn’t matter.


End file.
